Dear Virginia,
Santa Claus here! I’m sorry not to have written lately but I have been involved with a side business as of late. The summer months up at the North Pole tend to be a bit slow; the elves get restless with little to do so I decided to enter the auto glass business after the spring thaw.
The idea came to me last year and I’ve been surprised it been as easy as it has to start up. The elves work cheap and they like doing mobiles out of the sleigh. The only ones really complaining are the reindeer. I guess that they don’t like pulling Sprinter windshields all that much.
Although, as you well know, I’m a worldwide figure, I thought the best place to start was in the United States. It has the most cars and the least rules. I think they are going to like my little red sleigh logos.
The market there is a real mess. The largest chain, which went bankrupt a few years ago and was revived by a large international company, just finished beating up number-two like a redheaded stepchild and bought their remnants at an auction. The economy is tanking due to high gas prices and lower housing values making other regional chains vulnerable to closure or sale.
I was going to do a “brick-and-mortar” shop but the delivery surcharges once the glass got north of Canada got to be a bit pricey. Also, as you might know, there is not a lot of drive-up traffic in my part of the world, except for Land Rovers. (The engineers who designed those side mouldings are on my “naughty” list this year). I thought the mobile sleigh tie-in would go over fairly well for product branding (or so say my marketing peeps). You should be seeing us advertising on cable very soon.
Much of this has been fairly easy. First of all, I had the elves go to You-Tube to view actual installations. It really isn’t a big deal to remove anyone’s windshield, much less put it back. Making toys is harder and there are far fewer government regulations in auto glass. No licenses are required and, even if I’m sued, being incorporated in the stateless North Pole, I can liquidate rather quickly due in part to global warming. An initial problem we first had was applying the glass glue (us pros call it urethane or just “thane) in cold weather. At first one needed three elves just to squeeze the trigger on a regular caulking gun. However, our technical consultant, Bob, recommended we try eBay for used power ones. I’m now having my PRC boys work on getting us some knock-offs to bring the unit price down.
Getting parts has been a breeze. I was going to buy American, but I just can’t find much any more. One of the oldest just sold off to some private equity group so they’ll be cutting costs even more. They have been turning eastward so much I think the “P” in their name stood for Peking instead of Pittsburgh. We have been subcontracting large toy-making operations to the Chinese for decades so I have a few contacts. They can make glass for all models and, get this, Virginia: they can also make original brand names as well. I don’t have to sweat buying Pony windshields or other types of branded glass because someone in the Middle Kingdom can always make it up for me. Got my Rolex watch there as well. What the hay? Glass is glass, or so they say.
What’s been a little time-consuming has been setting up my customer relations department. I was going to use a call center from India, but was afraid the folks from Iowa might catch on. I stumbled upon this concept from Ohio where we sort of pretend we are with an insurance company. What a deal!! People call in to report a glass claim and we just keep helping them. I’ve been trying to decide to whether go “retail” because this is such a gold mine. The other issue is profitability. Despite using elves and reindeer, some of these small outfits undersell me. Working for just rice and beans is just not my way; I just hired a new glass guru named Ken who promises he can help me grow.
Virginia, I have to close this letter. I have to meet with him along with the accountants and lawyers. Writing business plans are sort of nebulous activities for glass installation companies. I need to raise the revenue per unit and we are considering changing the name to Santa Claus Glass (SCG). The brain trust thinks we should take advantage of my name recognition.
